Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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