I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
