so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
