i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
