If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
