Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
