i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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