Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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