I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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