I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
