But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
