Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
