Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
