Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
