ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
