the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
