Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Mom said you looked used
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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