There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
