I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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