Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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