So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
