I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
