Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
