dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize