i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
