I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
