and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
