Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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