When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
