i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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