She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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