If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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