AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
