If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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