This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize