i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
