I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
