Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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