Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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