so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
