I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
