I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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