Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
