My liver just broke up with me...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
two words...techno handjob
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
