I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Mom said you looked used
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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