Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
