I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
