3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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