Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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