I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
