she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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