i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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