South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
