He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we're so committed to being not committed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
