at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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