arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
