I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize