I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
