STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
