thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
