The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
