No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
