This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize