my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
