my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
