Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
