I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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