So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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