apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
