I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
