i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
