You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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