Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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