So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize