one might say we're banned from that church
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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