Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
