i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
