he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
