doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
