Where is the hickey?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
