singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
