i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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